I am totally in love with the library in my town. I must've taken out at least 20 cds since I got a card, and took out two movies today to chill out and veg and watch. The sun is out, it's chilly, and have a strange feeling that i might call contentment today.

I don't think I've ever felt more alone than I do right now.

I just had the most difficult conversation with my mom, since the last time I told her I was severely depressed. I try to avoid talking to her about most things, but when it is going to affect how fucked up my life already is, I have to get my point across, whatever means necessary. And if that means sucking up my pride and talking to her, then so be it. I told her bringing my sister back here to live is the biggest mistake of her life. What kind of person abandons their two kids in their native country to come live somewhere they are not wanted by 2 out of the 3 people residing there? The only reason my dad hasn't objected wholeheartedly to her coming here, is so that he can talk tons of shit about my mom to her and further divide our already fucked up household. Over my dead body that is going to happen. I may not get along with my mother, but there's no way I'm going to let that stupid son of a bitch sabotage her and use my sister as bait. Sigh....there are too many cracks in this family and there's no way it could ever be fixed.

The only reason I've ever wanted children is to rear them knowing what a family should be like. I hope my mom takes heed and realizes the right thing to do before it's too late.

I can't shake this little feeling, I'll never get anything right.

Fuck Tumblr.

I can't stop feeling sorry for myself. This is the closest I've ever been to wanting to call it quits.

I'm getting rid of this blog, because I made a tumblr and I absolutely love it. So make one yourselves and follow me. www.ribbonsandsugar.tumblr.com PEACEOUT!

Optimism is not a choice, it's a belief.

I wish I were more of an optimist.

I was an ass for thinking that depending on someone else to make me happy was wrong. In fact, he is the only person who does anything to make me feel like I fucking matter. I have no friends around here, and I have no compatibility with the ones I do have that live far away. I'm broke and I can't see anybody, and nobody bothers to come fucking see me. And if that means Richard is my crutch, so be it, at least I can count on him.