I feel like I'm losing two of my best friends. Whenever something really awesome happens to me, something shitty happens directly afterward. I guess it keeps things on an even keel. But it's fucking stupid. And it's not even my fault that these people are drifting away. One is a huuuuuge fucking flake and the other one who moved across the goddamn united states to california is acting like I'm dead for some reason and won't say a word to me. I don't know what I did or what I said or how I've 'acted' to make her not speak to me. But she just won't and I've been reaching out time and time again to be there for her and I just keep getting the cold shoulder. I'm tired of trying, I really miss these two people and it makes me really bummed to think that shit like this is ending but what else can I possibly do? I don't fucking know. People are stupid.

I'm glad I have a couple other best friends who have my back no matter fucking what. Word.

Today I'm reuniting with Buffalo Mike and going to brunch with him and Richard before work. I'm so fucking tired though, I literally stayed up half the night last night and now I have to be at work for 10 hours today and tomorrow. Sucks ass. I am trying to cut the junk food out of my diet I'm feeling pretty fat and that's not a good feeling. Even though today I'm going to a diner for brunch hahaha so there goes that idea for now. But I'm finally done with soda. Yesterday was my LAST day of drinking that vile substance I swear. I just can't continue rotting my insides with that shit. Anyways, I'm gonna get going, more updates later.

Nat King Cole Christmas songs pwn your face.

Well I hope everyone is enjoying their Christmas so far. I am having a mild one so far, nobody is fighting which is more than I could ever ask for. I gave my parents their presents, my dad gave me lottery tickets like he does every year. My mom gave me her same sorry ex cuse for not getting me anything, but I don't really expect shit from my momz b/c she does a lot of shit for me throughout the year and she just got me this bed last month so I'm still pretty stoked on that. I'm really tired though, I want to go back to bed and not help cook or deal with guests later. I just want Richard with a bow in my bed lol.

I bought Spongebob toothpaste last week because I love bubblegum toothpaste and Spongebob. But I just realized why every kid I used to babysit who had those kiddie toothpastes, the tubes were all fucking messed up and shit was coming out of it on the sides, because it is virtually IMPOSSIBLE to get that stuff out of the tube. And it sticks everywhere. Lmao, I guess that's because they don't want kids to have easy access to something so delicious that is supposed to taste gross. Who knows?

I had to introduce Richard to my dad last night, it was so awkward lmfao. I'm glad I could hibernate in my room with him the rest of the night without having to deal with those two b/c they make everything SO UNCOMFORTABLE. Ugh. I can't wait til they both go back to work next week. Blah. Today I have to clean, and hopefully see Milk with Mike who came to visit from Buffalo.

Well he asked me out last night. I am overwhelmingly stoked about it. I was never going to say anything if he hadn't and I'm so glad that I FINALLY stuck to my guns and kept my mouth shut and let the guy do it. I feel like everything finally fell into place and I finally met someone that is a genuinely nice person. Fuck yes.

I am so bummed out right now. Holidays always make me insanely depressed because my family is so fucked up. Every year it is the same shit. I go out of my way to buy everyone something and every year they all sit around and talk shit and gossip about one another. It breaks my heart every time. I just want us all to love each other, I just want us all to get along. I can't even go to my grandmother's house anymore without feeling like I'm not wanted there because I am my dad's kid. Everyone hates my dad EVERYONE. I almost can't fucking take it anymore. The general disdain you can see on everyone's faces when they talk about each other behind the other one's back. We're a fucking FAMILY.

If you don't have a family, what the fuck do you have? I think this is why I have always held my friends closer ot me than them because my friends are the family I CHOSE for myself. Not a bunch of hateful, disrespecting idiots that are blood relatives but have no idea how to fucking act like it. I'm tired of crying over this and feeling like a fucking outcast in my own house and my own family. Everything sucks.

And I miss louise so fucking much. I called her a few weeks ago and she promised she'd call back and never did. I just wish she still thought of me as her best friend, it is clear that she does not. I never thought her moving to California would change everything and it has. It is evident that nothing is the same and it sucks. I want her to be happy and I want to be there for her, but she won't let me in anymore. I feel like she shut me out and just like everything else in my life, I don't fit in.

I don't like feeling sorry for myself or being bummed out and depressed but so many annoying upsetting things are going on right now, between my family and my friends and my job sucking so much ass. I just want to crawl in a hole for the next two years. Being heavy hearted sucks.

Also, confuckinggratulations to these dudes, some of my favorite people, one of my favorite bands. It could not have happened to a more deserving bunch. MAD LOVE!