I'm going to get an ulcer from all of this built up frustration.

ANYWAYS, thankfully I'm off all weekend but I don't think I will be able to do much. I don't know, I have nothing to update about, it's just like Louise said, we BOTH never grew out of our teenage angst. Just into a pathetic self-loathing adult phase. Fuck me.

Give Up.

I give too much of myself to people that I call my friends and then I get disappointed when they don't live up to my expectations. I should know better. I've been so miserable about this for the past couple of months and nothing is changing. Nobody is making me feel any different about this situation. I feel like I just need to tell everyone to fuck off and start from scratch that are supposed to be my best friends. How much longer can you stand disappointment before you just say, I give up?

Give me something to break?

This will be me for the rest of this week. I wish I could sleep through the next 4 days.

Tonight was life changing.

Is it possible to be almost 24 and still not feel like you fit in?

I feel like I have nothing in common with the people who are supposed to be my 'best friends' aside from Zanida. It makes me feel like shit.

My mom was right. I'm just not like them.

I need to start watching Grey's Anatomy again.

I hate living here. Everyday I wake up I feel like this apartment is stealing more of my life away from me. My mom is driving me to the point of fucking INSANITY. I seriously mean it. I can't have a single fucking thought to myself. I just want to be able to relax. I can't even fucking take a nap without her calling me every two goddamn fucking minutes. I'm so angry all of the time, I feel like my head is going to explode. Every second that goes by in this room I feel like crying or breaking windows. Teenagers are supposed to be going through this shit, not someone on the verge of fucking 24 years old. Fuck. I can't control this at all, every morning I just want to leave and not come back and I feel like I'm going to strangle her. I am so upset. And the worst part about all of this is this is all of my fault. If I had been responsible, if I had done what I needed to get done, fuck I could have been out of here ages ago. I always mess up. I ALWAYS mess everything up. I hate feeling sorry for myself. But I just need to cry and feel better and start all over again, because right now I feel like the biggest failure. And nothing rubs failure in better than my mother.